March 26, 2012
Wow Did I feel good this morning?? No aches, pains, nothing. Felt like nothing was wrong with me. But, I know better. It is good to feel like my old self again, even for a little while. Makes me appreciate how I felt when I was healthy. Surgery set for April 2, 2012.I report to the lab at 7:45a.m. to be injected with dye (again) so that the surgeon will know exactly what to look for and where. Then, on to the OR.
Sorry for the late post. Later on in the afternoon (after a great morning), I became tired, fell asleep, and slept the rest of the day. The one big issues with cancer is fatigue. I am hoping after the surgery I will have more energy for a while. I am not sure about what treatment(s) I will be getting. The choices are chemotherapy and/or radiation, or both. I have a friend who had both treatments last years. She had breast cancer. Now she is in remission and doing fine.
Laying in bed, I have a lot of time to think, pray, and plan. I think about my family, friends, pets, God, Jesus, and how this might all turn out. I think about reconnecting with my cousins and how the family has changed over the years. I think about how supportive my friends have been. I try to plan visiting my cousin Joann in July, or traveling to San Francisco for a few days, or what project I will be working on in the fall. I think about many of things. I also talk to God. Over the years, I realized that my short, quick prayers were like empty calories. No value in them what so ever. I would rush through them, then be on my way for the day, wondering why daily life had to be so stressful. When I actually stopped rushing through life and learned how to pray, sincerely to God, my daily life became a little less stressful. The little things I use to let get to me, began to roll off my back. I wasted a lot of energy worrying about what other people thought about me but had little concern about what God thought about me. I started going to church in downtown Austin because of a church there that allowed you to bring your dog to the Sunday services. I took my boy Scout. He was such a little angel (no pun intended) in church. He was quiet and well behaved, as I held him in my arms. He was very interested in the people who attended and their dogs. Some of the dogs were not well behaved, so I would take a hand full of dog biscuits, and pass them out when they seemed bored.
Other dogs had to be taken outside by their pet parents to be walked or take a potty break, just like children. I enjoyed this church because of the casual style and laid back attitude the is purely Austin. I realized how important being part of a church community was and how the bond between the people who attended was so important. Now, when I am feeling well, I attend church with my neighbor.
Jesus really does hear our prayers when we pray to him. If you listen very carefully, He will respond, quietly. No need for loud music or a choir of angels singing loudly to announce that Jesus has heard our prayers. Many people pray to Jesus asking for favors, sometimes demanding He do something for us. Jesus know our every thought. However, He wants us to come to Him in prayer and present our situation to Him. I always present options to Him. “Lord, if it is not your will to cure me, will you send this cancer into remission to give me a little more time here?” All I can do is ask. The Lord has a plan of his own for me. His will be done, not mine. I read in the bible how important it is for others to pray for you. God hears all of these prayers. That’s why I asked everyone I can to prayer for me.
I no longer try to hide anything from the Lord. I remember a nun once told me there are no little white or black lies. Just plain lies, and the Lord knows them all. He sees everything. When I finally accepted this, I began being honest with the Lord. I find it much easier to put everything before the Lord and talk to Him about them. I admit my mistakes and ask Him how I can correct them or accept them without beating myself up. I thank Him for the mistakes because through these mistakes, I have learned what I have been doing wrong, how I have been hurting others, and how I have been creating difficult situations for myself. I ask Him to guide me through everyday life, to forgive me, to give me the strength to keep going, to help me find purpose in life, to help me become a better person, and to serve Him whenever the opportunity arises. My relationship with the Lord has been building over many years now. Without Him, I can do nothing successfully. I grew up being so stubborn and thick headed, thinking there was no power greater than myself. I now know better. I learned to look beyond the formality of religion, and to seek God on a personal level. We are so blessed to have a God that we can talk to by just opening our minds and hearts, and speaking honestly to Him. He is that accessible.
So, as you go through your everyday life, if you are not already talking to the Lord, you can start today. Just a simple,”Lord, thank you for today.” Or, “Lord, I will need a little help today with a difficult co-worker.” "Lord I am having problems with a co-worker what am I doing wrong?" Something that simple, will make your day go a lot better, just knowing you have Him to share your troubles with.
If you get a chance, watch the movie, The Hiding Place. It is a true story about a family during World War II who are arrested for hiding Jews from the Nazis. Two sisters Corrie and Betsy, from the Ten Boom family are put in the same concentration camp. The movie follows their journey, and one sisters faith (Betsy)in the face of adversity. It is a beautiful story of faith, love, and belief in the power of the Lord.
“You can never learn that Christ is all you need , until Christ is all you have.” Corrie Ten Boom from The Hiding Place.
