March 13, 2012
I had a 7:45a.m. appointment with an imaging center this morning. A blue dye was injected in to the site where the cancerous mole was removed. A total of ten small injections were given to me. After the injections, my back was massaged so that the dye could begin to disperse and the imaging could be done. I have a total of one hour and forty five minutes of laying on a table in an imaging machine. Then, I had a chest x-ray the doctor had also ordered. The technician told me the results would be sent to the doctor tomorrow. My surgeon is out of town this week, so I will get the results next week. From there surgery will be scheduled with in two weeks. The dye has to leave my system completely before they can do the surgery.
I have been spending all of my waking time since the initial diagnosis, getting my house in order. Suddenly I am faced with making decisions I have been putting off because I thought I had all of the time in the world or because I simple did not want the unpleasant task of having to make certain decision. Like making my own funeral arrangements. Making these arrangements is not as simple as I thought. I had a lot to considered. Funerals are expensive, so I first had to make sure my life insurance policy included funeral expenses. The policy did allow for $5,000 to cover the expenses. Have you ever made funeral arrangement for anyone? I made arrangements for my mother. She died in 1987. The total expense of her funeral was $5,000. That was twenty-five years ago. I was so overwhelmed with all the details of making my own funeral arrangement, I chose to look into donating my body to science for research. I found a company on line that will pay for the cremation, returning my ashes to my family to be disposed as I wish.
Ok. One issues down. Next, I decided to write my own obituary. Simple enough. No one knows me better than me. The only left to fill out was the date of my sunset. OK. Another issue down.
Next, a living will. Several months ago I found Directive to the Physician (also know as a Living will) I had drawn by an attorney in 1992. I decided then, that if I were very sick, I wanted to be kept on life support or whatever it would take to keep me here as long as I had a chance to get better. With cancer, that is not always an option. So, not even suspecting I had cancer, I tore up the directive and threw it away. I also discarded a will I had drawn up at the same time as the directive. I tore the will up because I needed to update the information. I made arrangements with an attorney to do draw up a new will. I am not a wealthy person by any means. As far a income, I fit directly in the middle along with many other people in that tax bracket. Everything I own in the world sits on a postage size lot in a rural subdivision. My house, my car, my furniture, pets, etc. My main concern is the care of my pets (4 cats and a little dog). They grew up in this house. It is the only home they have ever known. They are happy, fell safe, and are comfortable living here. Their whole world revolves around this home and their "hunting grounds" in the back yard. I get great joy out of watching them play and "hunt" when they are outside and I am sitting on the patio. They’re safe in their backyard, and their happy. We spend many an evening sitting on the patio together taking in the night sounds of nature, enjoying the cool breeze that blows in the spring before the blistering heat of summer drives us inside. I walk the back yard surveying the condition of the grass, checking the Peach and the Oak trees, the only trees to survive last summer’s drought. The babies follow me around the yard as if I am going to unearth some precious treasure they can play with or chase. I know to some people, they’re just animals. But to me they’re my babies, my little family. So, when I took them in I vowed to care for them tot he end, theirs or mine. I came up with a plan to make sure they would continue to live in this home after I pass. I am now at peace knowing they would be taken care of by a good person and friend.
So, now I wait until the doctor call with the results. I know I will probably have to have surgery unless the cancer is so far spread that surgery will not be an option. I suspect the worse but have a good feeling that I will survive. I fully expect to cover enough to carry out God’s plan for me to live out the rest of my life in service to Him. I have lived so far for myself thinking I had enough time left to serve the Lord when I chose to do so. I now welcome this trial the Lord has sent. I believe it will make me a much better person and child of God. I am beginning to view the world in a much different light then before. I am more optimistic, more caring about others, and more motivated to work for my Heavenly Father here in this temporary life. I now know with confidence that Heaven exists and there is a place for me there. I know God is my creator and Jesus is my savior. I know I will see my loved ones in Heaven, including pets that have passed before me. I no longer fear death. I look back on my life and wonder why I ever had any doubt.
I have begun reading, "Real Messages from Heaven," by Faye Aldridge. I find the stories quite comforting because they confirm what I now know to be true, Heaven is for Real!
