"To you, O Lord I Lift Up My Soul. O My God in You I Trust." Psalms 25: 1-2

March 18, 2012 Tomorrow I will find out the results of the dye test done last week. I anticipate my surgery to be done sometime next week. From there, I will know what treatments will be done; chemotherapy, radiation, or both. Since my last clinic visit, when my dye test was done, I have been incredibly at peace with my diagnosis. I must admit, where the diagnosis seems very real, at times I wonder if this is really happening to me. I try to imagine the surgery, then the treatments but it all seems so surreal. The diagnosis could not have come at a better time; the season of Easter. For lent, I have given up drinking up coffee, watching television, and playing the lottery. These are my vices. I have noticed over the years that I do much better without all three of them. Without the television, I am more focused on what is real in my life. I read more, and enjoy what I am reading. I take my time and do not rush through or skim over the pages. If I do not fully understand a sentence or passage, I reread the words until I do understand. The season of Lent does allow me to draw closer to God, as I slowly begin to realize the sacrifice of the life of His son Jesus and what His death meant for me as a sinner. Jesus dies so that my sins may be forgiven. The ultimate sacrifice Now, I face my own trying time, and wonder if I can be as brave as Jesus on the cross. I welcome this trial Jesus sends to me. Up to know, I have been wondering what to do with the rest of my life. I a left teaching, standing at the crossroads of my life and career, deciding what to do. I have spent my whole life living for me. Now I want to live for Jesus. I want to serve Jesus, some how, some way. After mowing the front and back lawns, and trimming and edging the front, I paid for my actions with a severe case of extreme exhaustion the next day. What a mistake! It is hard for me to ask others for help with things I use to be able to do myself. During the Spring and Summer months, I would worked in the yard for hours and never tire. I would mow the lawn once or twice a week without fail. Lately, I just do not have the strength. Weeks pass before I make any attempt to mow the lawn. I pass by the windows and look out at the front, then the back yard, and think, maybe tomorrow. The weeds keep growing. They stop for no one. Last week, on the day I mowed the lawns, I felt great. I had energy and motivation. I felt good working in the outdoor again. The babies watched me from their perches on their kitty condos in front of the bedroom window. When I was finished, they all lined up at the back door waiting for me to let them into the backyard. We sat on the patio taking in the beautiful Spring day. Later that evening, I began to feel the effects of my physical labor. I became extremely tired. My neck, back, and right and left sides from my shoulders to my knees began to ache. When this happens, I have to lay down. I slept through the night, and right through the Sunday service I was suppose to attend with my neighbor. I can do very little when I am this tired. I try to talk myself into getting up, saying it is mine over matter. However, I know better. This is different kind of exhaustion. My body shuts down seemingly on its own to help me preserve what energy I may have left. After I sleep, my energy is stored up to the point that I can get out of bed and tend to daily tasks. Some days I need to take several naps, even if I am just working at the computer. Hopefully, the surgery and whatever treatments I am given, will help to restore me to a good energy level to allow me to go on with my daily life without always having to take a nap. I will find out tomorrow, what the next steps in my journey will be, and the path I am to follow. My big kitty Alex, turned 9 years old on March 15th. Callie will be 9 years old next month in April 15th. Izzy and Grace (sisters) will be 2 years old in May 1st. My mother will be deceased 25 years on April 20th. My brother Tom will be deceased 19 years April 18th. My father will be deceased 7 years on May 25th. Aunt Grace, my mother’s sister will be buried tomorrow, March 19, 2012 “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.” Psalms 23:4